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Home Shopping

27th July 2007 (19:14)

Well, seeing as most (in fact all of them it seems!) of my entries are negative in some sort, I felt this may as well go here too. Also I'm meant to be cleaning my room, but this helps to procrastinate that little bit more.

3 weeks ago, I got a new job. Well, its not really a new job, I still work in Asda, I just do something else. Kinda like buying something second-hand..its new to you, but its not new? Anyways...

Basically, my new job is now an Asda Home Shopping Delivery Driver (or AHSDD for short...not like that makes any sense when you try to pronounce it, but hey), and this basically means I drive a van around delivering shopping to people around Clydebank/Erskine/Dumbarton/Balloch/Helensburgh to really posh folk with more cars than testicles, or really lazy people, who have to live on the top fucking floor!

My job involves (from start to finish):

Sorting out your load: Your load is basically how many runs are done. There are 3 time slots; Morning, Afternoon and Evening, there are 3 vans, so that means 9 loads. Within each load, there are a certain number of deliveries. Depending on when people choose to have their shopping delivered acts on how many deliveries are needed and how many vans. If there are like 30 deliveries in the morning, there will be 3 loads of 10 deliveries. This is simple mathematical bollocks, you should get it really. If you dont, then, the less deliveries, the less loads. Depending when you work til, you can have 1-3 loads. The least deliveries I've had in a load is 3, and the most is 8.

The deliveries are sorted out by Pickers, they go around the store with a wee computer and scan all the things they've to scan. They then take the stuff out the back. This is done early in the morning, but there is a big fridge and freezer in the back for all the cold stuffs.

We sort out our loads. We are assigned our loads the day before by whoever finishes late. Usually, because I'm the newbie, I'm stuck with the shite loads, and the shite van (there are 3 vans..2 automatics, and much bigger; one smaller manual transmission, the shit one).

Loading your...load: We take the crates with our delivers and load them onto the van. Sometimes the pickers are daft and put one small thing into a crate. Pointless really, but maybe not at 10 past 7 in the morning when Mark (the boss) is running around screaming about it going "tits up". We can consilidate the totes (crates) so theres basically less totes for each delivery. After loading them onto the van. We load the totes onto the wee computers (called Palmpilots), so we can confirm that we have our whole delivery. We get the paperwork we need, satnav, and we go.

Shooting your load: Sorry, it had to be done :D When we're done loading, we get out the store and get delivering. When the deliveries are done, we go back to the store and empty the van of totes. If we are doing another load (depends on your shift), you load up the van and go, or have a tea break, then go, if you're shift is finished, you empty the van, and go home.

Easy enough job? It sounds it, but fuck me, no.

So I've made a couple friends in that there H/S department, James, Andy, Andy...Andy? (I forget how many of us there are), Martin, Scott (Styler), and possibly a couple others, but I would have only seen them the once. Oh, and Mark of course! They all have their own way of doing things, and adapting to them all, I've now got my own way too. Nice one!

They've told me a few good stories about working the deliveries. You get tips (true, I've pocketed basically an extra hours wage doing one delivery once), and you get hot girls to answer the door (not bad), and some wear nothing but a towel and a smile. This sounds interesting, but has not happened for me yet (darn!)

Of course, like any businessman, they failed to tell me the bad points. Lets go into a few.

Mind the Palmpilot? Well we use them too, to measure temperatures for the chilled and frozen stuff (they stay cool and frozen in the van), and to sign for the delivery, and to monitor when you purchase fuel and what not. Basically, in an i-Robot stylee, we rely on these badboys to help us do our job, but like today, that just didnt work.

They have a wireless connection to the store, so they know what to do basically (what to get off the shelf, what stuff to load into what van, you get the idea), but they have a short range, so by the time you get out the store, you have no signal. Unfortunately, this didn't do me any justice when I got to Dumbarton to do my first delivery (about 10 miles away), and found the thing had crashed, and had to download the data again. Maybe it would have been a good idea to try that thing with the car keys and mobile phone (apparently, if someone stands near your car on their phone, and youre like a mile away, and press the button to unlock your car, it unlocks), but I'm in no mood to sit acting a cunt down a mobile phone having a joke saying "try it now lolzorz" So that didn't do any wonders today, had to rely on the papers (we get 2 signatures anyways, one on the computer, one on paper, just incase of problems like today).

Another main problem is the satnavs. They are just about as old as...my great niece..I dont know, but they're old. And the problem with that, is that dueing the time these were made, and now, there are new houses built, with new streets, and postcodes which this satnav doesn't know about. The satnavs run on CD-ROM, so you would think it's ideal that we just get a new cd to update? But no. We have to wait many the months for new vans, to get new, improved (but more shite) satnavs. And with me being a new driver, I obviously dont have the knowledge like a London Cabbie. So I need some help. Sometimes I will just phone the customer and tell them the situation, and they will tell me a road near it, or the road it leads off, and I find it better. But in today's scenario, it wasn't as good as that. I was delivering to "Buckie" in Erskine, and the roads near that place doesn't show up..well they do, but they're unnamed. So I phone up for directions, to get put onto the woman's sister..On holiday...from Kent. Nevermind, I'll give it a bash...

Me: Hi there, is that *name*?

Woman: No, I'm afraid it's not...

Me: Oh..ok *quickly checking to make sure I have the right number*

Woman: This is her sister, she isn't in just now, she had to go out.

Me: Oh right, its Andy from Asda Home Shopping

Woman: Oh...

Me: Yeah, I'm kinda lost finding your house, your street doesn't seem to appear on my satnav, could you give me a main road which your road would lead off?

Woman: Oh, Im not very familiar with this place

Me: Ah, its ok then, I'll...

Woman: Well, where are you?

Me: Erm..*checks* I'm in *something* Street

Woman: Oh, I don't know that place, I'm up from Kent you see...

Me: It's ok, I can check with someone else...

Woman: see if you come from the Erskine roundabout (Erskine has more roundabouts with no names than I have...kettles! So that didn't help much) And take a right..and go down the road, and take a right, you'll come to a roundabout with some shops, if you take the left and go down a bit and its one of the rights..I'm up there

Me: ...er...Ok?

Woman: Yeah, just behind some shops

Me: Ok I'll..

Woman: Bye..


Well, thankyou fucking much for hanging up the phone on me after giving me such shite directions! After managing to get directions from Styler, I found the place, no shops, there was a roundabout..but then again, there was another 4.

Anyways, this can be part 1. I'm too pissed off now to finish this :P

Keep updated :D

I Sound More Like A Dick Each Post...

6th July 2007 (20:16)

So this update is once again, the topic of Madelene McCann. If you don't watch the news, or you live in Bikini Bottom, Madeline (or Maddie), was a 4 year old girl, who was kidnapped many a moon ago in her hotel room in Portugal. Her parents thought it would be a grand idea to go have dinner while leaving 3 kids, all under the age of 5 in the room by themselves. I've had many arguments about this, but this isn't why I'm posting.

I was in work the other night (I work nightshifts), and I was reading the newspaper on my break, as you do. And one of the stories in the paper was of the police investigating a person who posted a comment along the lines of "I hope she's dead" on a Maddie tribute video on YouTube. I forget what his name was, or what he did, but the thing which got to me was that because he posted such a comment, he was beeing searched for by the police.

Whatever happened to freedom of speech? Why does everyone else get away with it? Don't get me wrong, she may be alive, she may be sitting with her family just now, and they're trying to make a cool million (I'll get onto this in a minute).

But whos to complain cos of something some guy said? I've seen many comments online saying things like "George W. Bush is a dick" or "Osama Bin Laden is a big doodoohead", and how come they don't get the FBI tracking them down for such a thing. Or watching a Celtic Football video online and seeing comments about hailing King William of Orange, or wanting to have sexual relations with Pope Benedict XXVIAIVVIVKAOCKA1. How come the police aren't investigating these people. They go on so much about secterianism, yet they won't trawl though YouTube videos.

They went on to say that people complained about this guys comment. Who were these people? Pubeless teen girls "hoo fink itz kl 2 type lyk dis", or serious businessmen? Who knows. Someone does something which people find a bit off, and they get blasted for it in a fucking tabloid. Ok, maybe that last word made it stand out, we need something to read.

Complaint number 2. There was a reward for information on the whereabouts of Maddie, this was either £1.5M or £2.5M. Either way, it was a nice amount, and would do me quite well. Basically, you phone up, and say "I seen Maddie, she's living in Cumbernauld with a guy called Joe", and they go to Cumbernauld and see Joe, and find he has Maddie, she sells burgers part time or something, I don't know. You're rewarded, and you get a porshe or a prostitute, whatever tickles your fancy. But no!

I read in the paper, that a couple phoned up with information on the whereabouts of the little girl, and what happens to them? They get arrested! They try to be helpful in helping the police find information on someone they should have found ages ago (not saying they don't do their job, my brother is a cop), but instead of praising them, they get slung in jail.

Did they have something to do about the girl? Did they just make it up and were doing time for wasting what little poilice time is available? I don't know. Once again, the paper doesn't fill us in much, so once again, while it makes the authorites look like theyre doing a dick move, the couple could actually be the people behind it, so what are we meant to believe?

I forget if this is a rant about a girl or a fucking newspaper now, so I will stop...

Good day

Old School Songs

28th June 2007 (18:45)

current mood: calm

This old hammer
killed john henry
this old hammer killed john Henry
but it won’t kill me

this old hammmer
shines like silver
but it rings like gold
this old hammer
shines like silver
but it rings like gold

i,m gonna lay my head
on a rail road track
i’m gonna lay my head on a rail road track
when the train comes along
i’m gonna snatch it back

this old hammer killed john henry
this old hammer killed john henry
but it wont kill me
but it won’t kill me


Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah
Someone's in the kitchen I know
Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah
Strumming on the old banjo, and singing

Fie, fi, fiddly i o
Fie, fi, fiddly i o
Fie, fi, fiddly i o
Strumming on the old banjo


These 2 songs were old songs which I used to sing when I were like 6 or something. I found them online and it reminded me of such great times. Our old Headmaster, Mr. Cullis, would get the whole year into the assembly hall, sit in front of us and start singing them. They were so catchy, we used to catch on.

The first song was an echo song, so he would sing a line, then we would repeat the line after him. I found out there that John Henry were possibly a railroad worker over in America, who would travel and..well...do railroads! He was known as a "Hammer Man" as he would hammer the big spikes into the railroad to keep it in place, and doing this so much is what possibly killed him.

The second song is actually the second part of "I've been working on the Railroad", but this is all we would sing. We would repeat the song, and after the second time, and in "Thump" inbetween the " Fie, fi, fiddly i o", making it "Fie, Thump, Fi, Thump, Fiddly i o, Thump". We would also do hand actions, Fie, Fi and Fiddly i o would all be flute actions, and Thump would be a pat to your thighs. When we finished that, we would go round it all again, but speed up the song, eventually getting so fast, it was impossible to go the actions to the song, but the headmaster could always pull it off.

Such memories :D

Jeremy Kyle

18th June 2007 (14:19)

Ok, so I was watching Jeremy Kyle this morning (If you didn't know, Jeremy Kyle is a talk show, where our nation's scum go on tv to say their partner has been sleeping around/ is an alcoholic/ is the baby's dad and he doesn't think so. You know, what Jerry Springer was like, but with no boobs or not as much fighting), and it was on the topic which was talked about in the papers, the paedophilia show.

Basically, Jeremy got a conviected paedophile to come on the show with his partner. Now, I didn't see the whole show from the start, but from what I could gather, The guy had raped his 6 year old girl, or his daughter when she was 6. He was sentenced for x amount of years, but came out after about 6, and his wife/girlfriend stuck by him. They were in a blue room, and they were silhouetted out, so you couldn't make out their face (although you could make out their appearance), and they had voice changers on, they sounded like evil warlords in old movies, like when you set them on fire and they're just about to die, or when you listen to music at a lower bitrate than it should be. People came on the show to talk to the guy, and ask him questions about why he did it, what was going through his head and the like, and why his partner stuck by him instead of staying with the daughter (who I think has dropped contact with them). When I put it on, it was 2 women talking to him, who were abused when they were younger, and after a middle-aged man in a suit in the audience who was in tears because he was in the same situation.

After Jeremy started talking to the women/guy, he started getting really defensive for them, and started hurling abuse at the guy. This is where I started thinking "What the Fuck?"

Ok, infairness, the guy raped a kid, his own kid. That was many years ago, and I'm sure hes had much grief in the past, on TV, in the papers, in the street and in jail, but inviting someone on your show, just to shout at them imo is just a bit..too far? I mean, would you invite someone onto your talk show who had an affair, and kick them to the ground about it?

I'm not taking the paedo dude's side here, I mean, he shouldn't have done it in the first place (although they say the main cause of paedophilia is sexy kids!), but to be invited onto a show, watched by many students and unemployed folk, just to get shouted at even more? Terrible

Discussion time? Perhaps

Hello To You!

18th June 2007 (14:15)
current song: The Exies

Hello there! This is my new journal, which I've decided to start up. I've had this idea in production for about 4 months now, and I've finally got round to doing it!

I've had the account for a few months already, and it started off as a blog for my baby (hence the name "daddyhax"), but we got a bit sidetracked, and I ended up posting on Myspace instead! But I've decided to post my shite here instead of bulletins on Myspace now :D

I've got a first blog ready to go up, its not the best start, but it's been on my mind all morning.

Hope you enjoy reading for as long as I decide to stay this time :D


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